No Man in life
Of ‘all these kings around with no palaces’, of all the people, who seem to ‘know’ what I exactly feel, my heart seems void like an empty abandoned plot. I am sure there’s a world beyond, where you are burrowing, and in case, immortally, if you read this,
this is how life has been post you...
Like I promised to you the last time I saw you, we all got to smiles and files, and as much as it might seem difficult for you to believe, but I do not cry in front of the mother. Not that you called me every day to check if my heart was in place, but wherever you were, and wherever I was, I knew I belonged to you.
People now often call me a ‘strong woman’ and I cheekily laugh inside, I really wish you could point it out to them how chicken I am and how much it takes me to dressen up and start my day.
I often find myself, alone and lost, falling love and peace in wrong people and places, humans often seem masked, and as much as I try, nobody has touched my heart.
Sometimes, in a moment or two, I drop down a tear or more. In a reckless moment, I often find myself in a tough bit of way, as someone, with nobody to lean on.
A day or two back, someone around mentioned how I have so much good to speak about you and how it would be amazing to meet you. My heart like a powerhouse of emotions went back to the memories of the last twenty-four years.
Sometimes in family gatherings, when everyone’s dancing, I find myself going to old images of you in my head, how you always were the superstar of the room, you used to be in. When people praise me now for work, I secretly hope that you are around to listen, it only and only reminds me how unnecessarily irritated I would be when you praised me in front of random strangers at times.
I’ve also become fickle when people subject me to flak and harsh behavior and I often find myself putting it all onto being without you and being a fatherless daughter and I unknowingly, always feel, people, look at me differently, knowing I don’t have you. It is of course, foolish, but you see my point, I feel homeless, and
my capabilities go in vain in my search of finding my belonging.
I am not trying to scare you, but being a daughter in this world, without a man to lean on, is pretty difficult a business and my tiny hands are not ready for it, still yet.
I often find myself to be alone in the big world and it has only made me realize how much I miss you, and even if you could come back just to annoy me out and call me hundred times a day to ask your facebook password, please do.
I am nobody’s, my heart is a draught and it is difficult to write this,
but you’ll be happy to know,
I am really trying my best, to walk with the same pride, all on myself, without a man.
I’d rather be known as your daughter who tried her best to manage it without you and be showered with whatever the remains of your teachings- converted to the strongness in my body and heart, has to offer 🙂