Pretty Self-taught

An Obituary:

The recent times have been struggling and I often find myself subjected to a lot of flax for reasons that seem to be close to pure undenied and unwanted hatred.

I recently happened to be friends with someone who I thought captivated the best out of me but only to thwart. I failed to realize what I speak of, channelize of- is often portrayed out as a weapon of cynicism and contempt giving birth to a lot of disfavors subjecting me.

Firstly, my heart goes out to you; to people, who feel misinterpreting and misapprehending five sentences of what my mind speaks to others could bring me down to any shame in my eyes. I’d come to that point later when the shame is caused in others’ eyes.

I fail to realize the happiness one gets out of misleading and disguising something else to the world only with sheer happiness of what my brain understands- being in good books of someone else and breaking friendships to satisfy a constant hunger of being an epitome of niceness. Again, cynicism, Id say.

Being in my own world with absolutely no thought given to the fact that not everybody can give back the kindness they get, I realize things, pretty late.

What followed later was me walking down a thin line between vulnerability and shame and I had to what possibly could be the worst task for a human to do- explain myself to the important people. Maybe, luckily, I wasn’t as important enough to them, because then, me ‘explaining my heart out’ situation, wouldn’t ever arrive. ( Blame the lessons of compassion and trust)

Anyway, I got my job done and I am penning down, which possibly could be lessons for life, I believe:

  • The biggest relationship you are ever going to have is going to be with yourself. So, accept, tolerate (safely enduring), forgive, love, but only till it doesn’t question you or your existence or your love.
  • You are never going to be alone. There will be your lovers and well-wishers who’ll know you more than you know yourself.
  • Never overdo. I trusted and overwatered a lot of poisonous plants only to be questioned because of them, only to be resembling a poison. Some people are born to be happy out of dividing and shattering friendships only to sit back and enjoy the drama and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.
  • You are never going to please everyone. Leave that thought. You could be showing kindness only to be misinterpreted and that’s okay. All you can do is forgive but never forget the suspicion. Learn to pick your battles. Some things are mechanical and generosity never stays hidden. Autumn rings, the sun shines and wind flows. What has to remain yours, does. Learn it a hard time.
  • Educate yourself. Practice mindfulness. Surround yourself in a non-judgemental and an aware atmosphere. Find peace in people who trust you and enjoy your energies. Don’t be caught in places and surroundings you are not welcome at.

Lastly, as to people who are- too harsh, whose eyes speak of chaotic confusions and insecurities, them who find joy in dividing- only to remain in someone’s good books, my heart, no matter how big it is, has no absolute place for you. So, with an abundance of love for my own life and well-being, penning them down an obituary.

RIP

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